Am I "Broken" or Just Fed Up? The Paradox of a Social Person Who Refuses to Text Back
They say we live in the most connected era in history, but I feel more disconnected from screens than ever. I'm 30, I’m told I look good, and my phone is constantly buzzing with notifications from Facebook, Instagram, or various dating apps. People are looking for me. And yet... I choose silence. I turn my phone face down.
The biggest irony? I am not a shy person at all. In fact, communication is my specialty. I have a degree in Tourism and Public Catering, and I’ve worked as a receptionist and a waiter—jobs where speaking is the main tool. I can hold a conversation on almost any topic, with any stranger, face-to-face, without a hint of nervousness. I love discovering people, seeing their gestures, and feeling their energy in person.
But when it comes to the online world, something just freezes. When I’m "sober" and going about my daily life, chat messages feel like a heavy chore. My fingers feel like lead. I’d rather watch the same movie for the 11th time than type "Hey, how are you?". The movie is safe, predictable, and doesn’t demand my energy.
I’ve been reading about this online and it got me a bit worried. People talk about depression, social burnout, or digital anxiety. Am I the only one who feels like the phone screen just sucks the life out of us? Experts say that when you isolate yourself, it could be a sign of depression. But in my case, something even stranger happens.
This digital barrier only falls when I’ve had a drink and I’m in a more "festive" mood. Suddenly, I feel like talking on TikTok, I reply to messages, I make future plans, and I think about family or children. That’s when I become the "king of social media." But as soon as I wake up the next morning, the "ice man" returns. Why do I need a stimulant to do on a phone what I can do so easily in real life?
Is this a real psychological issue or have I just reached a point where screens feel too cold for someone who learned to communicate "live"? Is this need for digital isolation a red flag for my mental health, or just my way of saying I’m tired of the superficiality behind the keyboard?
What do you think? How are you dealing with this? Do you feel the same way, or do you have any advice for me? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.
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