An Expert in Statistics, a Failure at Life
Ladies and gentlemen, grab a glass of lemon juice—you’re going to need something acidic for what’s coming. Our main character, whom we can comfortably call "Sister Maria Teresa" in a male version, decided that 2025 was the year to show us, through pink charts and spreadsheets, just how incapable he is of maintaining a relationship. He served us a "Dating Wrapped" as if it were a grand achievement to clock 28 failures and end up empty-handed... alone on his couch.
28 Attempts, Zero Results. Way to go, Champ!
Our boy brags about a total of 28 dates. Let’s be clear: that means every two weeks, someone had the misfortune of sitting across from him. He claims "it doesn’t seem like much," but when you realize that out of 28 people, absolutely NONE of them wanted to stay by his side, that number suddenly becomes a testimony to social incompetence.
Out of 17 "first dates," only 4 "fierce males" (as he calls them with a hard-to-stomach arrogance) made it to a third date. And the fourth? Nothing. Flatline. Apparently, by the fourth date, the cheap scent of fame wears off and people start seeing the massive void behind the fancy slides. Nobody wanted a second more of him. We wonder why...
Tinder, Bumble, and the Desperation to be "Seen"
His analysis is either fascinating or pathetic—you decide. Over 59% of his "victims" came from Tinder—the place where quantity beats quality and where he feels right at home as a discounted product on a shelf. He complains that he found little on Instagram (11.7%), but we all know why: on Instagram, you need a bit more than just a right swipe and a shiny filter.
The funniest part? He boasts about a single "wild" hookup in a club as if he captured a rare species of dinosaur. How special do you have to think you are to say that in Romania it’s "nearly impossible" to be picked up in real life? Maybe the problem isn't the country, but the peacock attitude oozing out of every pore that makes people want to walk the other way.
"Drinks" Everywhere, but a Dry Soul. Andrei Rosca
The majority of his dates were over drinks and at coffee shops. Basically, the guy sold his time for a few coffees and a bit of attention, but never managed to evolve past the "consumer" level. He even said he doesn't recommend park walks under any circumstances. Of course not! On a park walk, you have to actually talk, be human, and be vulnerable. And he prefers to be anything but human. He’s more like a glitchy algorithm looking for digital validation.
Bottom-Shelf Marketing: Selling Your Time for Nothing?
Our "star" tells us he doesn't exactly know what "marketing" means, even though he has an entire category for it in his table. Well, let us explain: marketing is when you try to sell a product and fail miserably 28 times in a row. Having that many "leads" and closing zero "sales" isn't performance—it's straight-up bankruptcy!
There’s a profession as old as time that involves selling one's body for money. But him? He’s in a league of his own: he sells his time. He drifts from one coffee to the next restaurant, consuming other people's time just to feed his ego and have content to post. He’s a sort of "image escort" who, at the end of the day, goes home alone to make another pink chart.
The Conclusion: Still Single and Dazed by Fame
After boring us with IT professionals, lawyers, and students of all nationalities, the glorious conclusion is: "I am still single." A total shocker, isn't it? When you look for "fierce males" just to have something to type into Excel, you’re only going to find people who get bored of you faster than an Instagram story loads.
Buddy, you can make another 100 slides in 2026. As long as you don’t know what you’re looking for and you’re more concerned with the slide design than the person sitting next to you, you’ll remain an expert in "first dates" and a dropout in happiness. You won't find anything if you don't know what you're looking for. Until then, good luck swiping—it seems to be the only thing you're good at!
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